The 6 Important Reasons Why You Should Date Your Spouse
Every mother needs to regularly go on a date with their spouse! Why? Because us mothers are more than just the household maid, caregiver, chauffeur driver or chief. We were first a girl with goals and ambitions, the girlfriend worth courting and getting to know and the fiancé worth impressing and showing affection toward. Becoming a wife and mother does not mean those goals are forgotten- oh no! Becoming a mother can sometimes mean putting our personal goals to the side to make room for a sometimes demanding relationship with a baby for a short time and a small season of life.
As a stay at home mother it is the most rewarding job I have ever had, but it is also the most exhausting job I have ever had. Big slobbery kisses and little hands give me hugs all day. Watching the light bulb of understanding spark across my child’s face after they learn something new is the best! However, dealing with everyday toddler tantrums, choosing the correct colored cup to avoid said tantrum and wiping bums all day long leaves me crashing on the couch and turning on Netflix after the kids are in bed. Tell me I’m not the only one! And now I suggest a date? Not just any date, but the kind where you actually get ready for the night, get a babysitter and get out of the house with your spouse.
Before you and your spouse became mom and dad, you were the hot girlfriend he was taking out on a date. Remember how much time you spent getting ready for the night? How the butterflies filled your stomach minutes before he showed up to the front door for your date? And then once he picked you up, do you remember his smile and the way he proudly looked at you throughout your date. You were honoring him with your presence, he was proud to have you on his arm. When you reflect on that feeling toward that hot boyfriend, when can you say you felt that way again? I hope the answer is: last week when we went on a date, but if you are like most couples, the last time you went on a date was awhile ago. Ignite that relationship spark by escaping the stress of parenthood for an hour, or arrange an actual night get away… just go on a date!
Here are my six reasons married couples should date regularly:
1-A date gives your something to look forward too at the end of a long and stressful week.
2- Be an adult, interact with other adults and feel like an independent adult again. If you are going out to eat for dinner, this means you will enjoy your hot meal- hot! What a concept!
3- Reconnect. Spend time together with your spouse and get to know each other again. Through marriage we as individuals are expected to grow and change. I find that I understand and love my husband more when I ask him open-ended questions about his childhood or his college days and we talk without being interrupted a million times.
4- Make goals and plan for the future. I am a planner and have to set yearly, and even monthly goals. My husband is not as meticulous with his goals which at times is super frustrating. Having goal conversations on our date and those dreaming sessions about our future brings my planning heart comfort.
5- A date is a way to outwardly show your appreciation for your spouse.
6- Group dates-making friendships outside of your marriage. Let your hair down for a night of fun with friends turns off the every-day stress and brings out the silly and fun in a couple. Group dates can sometimes lead to life-long friendships and a support system every couple needs.
When you spend time with someone you love, you are getting to know them better and it always improves your relationship. Dating will improve the way you speak to one another. I know that when my husband and I have not spent time alone together in a long time, I start to feel annoyed and resent my husband for the things that he doesn’t do and does! When you become complacent in a marriage without taking time for one another without children, the marriage can begin to falter. Your marriage is worth fighting for! Your relationship is worth working on- so get a babysitter (even if that means roping in a family member) and go on a date.
The best part about dating your spouse is: you don’t have to spend money to impress. Going out and doing something with your spouse is easy, but getting a babysitter and paying for their service can prevent couples from leaving their house while the kids are awake. The solution: join or create a neighborhood babysitting co-op. If this is new concept head to- dailymom.com. They have a fantastic article on how to start the program in your neighborhood. The babysitting co-op concept is basically trading babysitting hours with your neighbors so that you and your spouse can leave the kids behind with a sitter for free, a win-win system.
Deciding on a date time can be difficult when you have busy schedules. However, when it comes to the holidays and parties with other adults, I highly suggest making those events a top priority.
My friend April Davis of ten years (holy hana!) always throws the most epic Halloween Murder Mystery parties and wrote an article on todaysmama listing how she pulls off these parties. If you need some ideas on date night getaway with friends- head to her article here. April usually has several companies sponsor her parties to provide decorations, pictures or sometimes the games. Several couples attend the late evening party under the night sky with twinkling lights, and a burning fire to the side. Dinner is delicious as always, desserts provided by the couples and the best part? Strangers come together for the night acting like their assigned characters so there is no strange silence over dinner and everyone needs to talk to everyone because you are trying to solve the murder!
Every Halloween April throws these parties and it is something I look forward to all year! Dressing up in costumes is fun, eating and laughing with friends makes it more fun! To top it all off- my husband and I get our own picture, together, that isn’t a selfie. Another great win!
Going on a date regularly with your spouse is so important! Remember who you and your spouse were before little people and the stress of adulthood gave you grey hairs. Host a party and have your friends over for a themed party- Halloween is around the corner! If you need ideas on how to host the perfect festive party head to April’s article here. Nothing grounds a relationship and sparks that familiar flame in a marriage more than spending time together as the two people you were before you became mom and dad.