Weekly marriage techniques to improve your connection.
When life gets crazy, our marriages are one of the first things to get neglected. It’s usually a slow disconnection that goes unnoticed, then one day: we notice it. As we start into a new season, let’s start on a great new path as a couple! A strong marriage is seriously one of life’s greatest treasures. (Sorry guys- I tried to hold back on the cheesy-ness, but couldn’t do it 😉 ) There isn’t anything more valuable than knowing you can trust another person to have your back- knowing you are a team!
So, why do marriages get neglected so often? For that same reason that makes marriages so great! We promised each other we’d stick together no matter what. It’s a lot easier to assume everything is okay than to be vulnerable and really communicate. There is a HUGE difference in your quality of life though when you feel really connected to your spouse and when you feel disconnected.
Let’s chat about two weekly marriage techniques you can start today to a big difference in your marriage. These two methods have helped us more than I can express.
Weekly couples’ council:
Wednesday’s at 10 pm I have an alarm on my phone that reminds me: it’s time for “Couple’s Council”. Maybe TMI, but we like to have our council in the bathtub! Some other ideas might be you can hold it while you give each other massages, you could go for a walk or after watching a favorite show together in Netflix. (The show, “This is Us” is great because it is SO entertaining and shows emotional relationships that are more “real” than any show I’ve ever seen. It helps open the audience up emotionally!)
Here are some of the topics we try to cover:
- What plans should we make for the weekend?
- How are we doing as a couple? Is there anything that is interfering with being able to connect?
- How are each of our children doing? (Emotionally, behavior, school- whatever’s been pressing lately).
- How are we doing with temptations like pornography, extramarital relationships, etc?
- Is there any actions we need to take this week to move our goals forward?
We rarely touch on ALL of those topics, but only the ones we feel are most important for our season in life right now.
We’ve created the perfect printable to help you have effective couples council meetings. Use it as a visual aid to remind you to have the meeting and cover the important topics. You could even take notes on it each week by making several copies or laminate it and use a dry erase pen. Click the here to download it!
Another weekly tactic that makes a big difference in our marriage, is:
Weekly date night
Getting away from the chaos of kids and out of the house is so refreshing.You gotta make time for fun with your spouse, or your relationship ends up being about all the not-so-fun aspects of life. It’s not in everyone’s budget to go out every week, but as they say: regular dates are much cheaper than marriage counseling or divorce attorney fees! So talk to your spouse and find a way to get a regular date night in. Here are some ideas to help make dates happen when it’s hard:
- We have babysitters in our neighborhood that are happy to come chill at our house while our kids are sleeping for $3 an hour. They just sit and watch a movie like they would at home, but as far as I can tell, these young kids are happy to get out of the house. We grab a frozen yogurt or visit our friends.
- Set aside some time where one spouse can watch the kids while the other spouse plans and prepares for an at-home date. The Dating Divas have lots of super cool ideas, but most of them take a little bit of prep work. This is where the other spouse watching the kids comes in handy.
- Trade with another couple to watch the kids while you sneak away for a couple hours.
- Use the same sitter for a scheduled regular date: Every Saturday at 6:30 she gets a ride to your place. Done.
- If all else fails and you don’t have time, energy, or funds to figure out “real” dates, just do 2 things : 1) Occupy the kids with a movie or wait for bedtime 2) Do something together that doesn’t involve a screen.
- Read a book out loud
- Play a board game (Blokus is our fave)
- Tackle a project together
- Make fun plans for the future
- Play catch or soccer
- Give each other massages: there are awesome tutorials you can follow to help give a good one!
- Take a bubble bath together 😉
One last resource I recommend is: the One Extraordinary Marriage Podcast: “Where being busy is over-done, romancing is fun, and scheduling sex takes the guesswork out of wondering: when you’re gonna get some!” The hosts are so real and you will love it!
Marriages are complex and no marriage is perfect, but taking good care of your marriage is one of the best ways to use your resources of time and energy. Here’s to a fulfilling New Year for you and your spouse, together! What are your favorite marriage techniques?
We moved to UT from Chicago and I have to say I MISS our weekly date nights SO much! I trust no one with our babies (LOL) and being away from family is hard! We get to go out once a month, but with our kids being so young (4 under 6), we totally *need* at least one more snuck in there! I’d say that’s a great 2018 goal! 😉
Thank you for your comment and good luck!
Great tips! Thanks!!
One thing we like to do after the kids go to bed is walk “laps” around the block while chatting. It gets us outside of the house but we can still pop in to make sure everyone is still asleep.
Jenn Woodbury says
That is such a great idea. I think there is something about movement while you’re talking. Conversation seems to flow more freely with friends if I am working on something- so that is a perfect idea for conversations with your spouse— you get fresh air, some exercise, and you’re able to connect better! Brilliant!